They say that you should be able to share everything with the one you love. And for a lot of things, this is true. But there are SOME things that you simply should never say to your man.
Because they are only going to be downright harmful for your relationship or chances of scoring a next date.
1. Bringing up the exes.
Usually when you get together with someone, you gain a bit of an idea about their past relationship history – it’s hard to avoid these topics altogether.
But as a general rule, once you’re going out, talking about exes is a no-no – whether it’s about his ex or your own.
Because wanting to know every little detail about your guy’s last girlfriend is just a massive turnoff. It makes you seem jealous, insecure, and actually makes his ex into more of a threat than she really is.
For example, asking questions like “Do you still think about her?” or “Do you like me better than you liked her?”
If you choose to resist the urge to find out about his past relationships and instead focus on your OWN relationship, you will find that his exes become less and less of an issue for you and you will be happier with your man because of it.
Believe in the fact that he is with you right now because he wants to be with YOU, and leave everything else in the past.
The same goes for any of YOUR exes. NEVER compare your man to your ex. For example, avoid making comments such as “My ex was just like that”.
He doesn’t want to feel like you’re still thinking about your ex, or that he is having to compete with him or live up to his standards.
Even telling your man that he is so much better than your ex is only going to be detrimental, as you are again making a comparison between them, and at the same time showing an unattractive bitterness about your past relationship.
2. Using defensive communication weapons.
Communication is really important in a relationship (as I’m sure you already know well).
But there are some definite phrases to avoid when it comes to communication with your man, as these will automatically put him into defense mode and drive a big damaging wedge between you.
The first of these is the pre-storm warning siren “We need to talk”.
You may need to talk, but you do not need to WARN him that you need to talk. When you say this, it automatically brings up a lot of insecurities and makes him go into the conversation in defense mode.
Instead, if you need to talk about something, wait until it is an appropriate time and bring it up in a less confrontational way.
Next we have the classic “Nothing’s wrong!” line.When something IS wrong, don’t use this line. Seriously. It doesn’t help you and it just makes him feel useless. If he asks you if something is wrong and there is something, tell him!
The last weapon I need to advise you to ban from ever using with your man is the phrases which make him feel like you (or others) have low expectations of him. For example, getting worked up in an argument and saying things such as:
“I guess they were right about you” or “I knew you wouldn’t follow through”.
Again, these harsh comments will put him in defense mode and make him feel like he’s not good enough for you or anyone else. Even if said in the heat of the moment, these comments can really knock his self-esteem and cause him to want to end the relationship.
3. Baring your insecurities.
We all have insecurities, and often these are centered on our appearance and whether our man really loves us.
“I’m so fat”. “I hate my thighs.” “I wish I had bigger boobs”.
Remember, your man likes you for who you are and for how you look. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t. But when he hears statements like the ones above, you automatically become less attractive in his eyes. Remember, guys are attracted to self-confidence.
The next frustrating way girlfriends often show their insecurities is through asking questions about other women. For example, “Do you think she’s pretty?”
Do you really want your man to answer this question? Because you probably aren’t going to like the answer, regardless. If you think she’s pretty, then she probably is pretty. But this doesn’t mean that he likes YOU any less, or that he was even paying attention to her.
So be confident in yourself and in his love for you, and focus on your assets rather than your flaws. He will love you for it.
4. Emasculating comments.
If there’s one thing to avoid saying to your date or boyfriend, it is comments which make him feel like less of a man.
For instance,“You’re so cute”.
Guys usually really resent being referred to as ‘cute’. This label threatens their male ego and can make them instantly put up defensive barriers.
So leave ‘cute’ as a label for kittens and your friend’s new hairstyle. And trying telling him how “hot”,“handsome”, or “amazing” he is instead.
Remember, guys have a need to feel like they can provide for and protect their girlfriends. And when they hear things like“No, just leave it I’ll do it myself” or “Don’t worry, I’ll get someone else to do it”, this can really hurt.
So if he wants to help or give something a go, let him. Even if he ends up needing a hand from someone else, at least you showed faith in his abilities.
The next phrase to avoid letting slip is“Man up”. What this says to a guy is that he is simply not manly enough – OUCH. This is really not something a girl can say to a guy – leave this kind of comment to his buddies.
Maybe he isn’t the toughest or manliest guy out there – but he doesn’t need this to be pointed out to him. Especially not by you.
5. Gossiping or bitching.
“She’s such a whore.”
Guys don’t want to hear you bitching about other women, or men for that matter. Bitching or gossiping is a real turn-off. He wants to see you as a decent woman who doesn’t get involved in all the drama.
When he hears you bitching, you come out looking just as bad to him as the ‘bitch’ herself. If there’s something you really have to get off your chest, sometimes it’s best to save it for when you meet up with one of your girlfriends.
This is especially true for when you are in the dating stage. Your boyfriend may be more open to hearing about problems with friends once you’ve been together for a while and he’s got to know them. But a guy you are dating is just getting to know you and you don’t want his first impression to be that you are the village gossip.
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